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    The evolution and stabilization of split off family units do not come about without mourning obsolete family units and coping with individual and systemic growing pains.

    Furthermore, many of us after unsuccessful marriages have our self esteem wounded, experience guilt over making our kids victims of decisions that didn’t work out, may begin to doubt our abilities to choose appropriate partners and even delude ourselves into believing we are entitled to and can realistically expect to forge intimate and satisfying relationships without risking disappointments and rejections.

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    She does and says things without recognizing that to some extent our whole family is dating this guy.

    They either convince themselves they are better off not going beyond getting their feet wet (at best) or they deny and minimize their fears, which can lead to making reckless plunges. Well, the chronically painful realities of divorce that involve children may be likened to having a chronic and debilitating illness like arthritis.

    Instead of periodic flare ups of painful inflammation of muscles and joints we are left dealing with periodic flare ups of our children’s painful struggles to come to terms with our divorces, flare ups of our own painful struggles to come to terms with divorce and episodic painful dealings with our divorced spouses.

    This year I came home four times from college and he was in town every single time.

    After I went back to campus each time Mom said, ‘I never get to see you!

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